Hey y’all! I figured it’s time I get a little personal. Not too much, though! I gotta keep my therapist fed. I’ve taken to writing personal essays recently (Thanks Jules and Herbal Supplements). Jules (they/she) is the host of a monthly reading series in Brooklyn, a professional crocheter, and fellow SubStacker with fever dreams that are often recorded in her newsletters. This a little different from my usual newsletters, but that’s the point. Let’s have a little fun, dissect some horror, and even ourselves if the mask fits.
As two Black, queer people, alienation is a concept we learned early on. When we saw who the target was in our foundational horror faves, we quickly found a comfort in these so-called “monsters”.
This Final Girl is a Monster
Avery Coffey
I never understood why I loved horror so much. But, as I looked beyond the screen, and beyond the mirror, one thing became clear: I always saw a little of myself in those movies I watched. And I was never the final girl.
Like Dr. Frankenstein’s Creature, I couldn’t make sense of the ostracization I faced in in my southern hometown of white conservatives. I didn’t understand race, or the true significance between my skin and theirs. So, the reflections that stared back at us, the monsters, only told us one thing: ugly. Though I was never chased with torches and pitchforks, the heated glares and sharp tongues from the girls in my Sunday school class did a fine job. I spent most of my childhood believing I was ugly. Like the Creature, once this conviction is sparked within, it’s hard to put out that flame. It eventually grows and so…
Ginger Snaps isn’t just werewolf movie but a coming of age movie about a teen girl becoming a “woman”. Transitioning from girl to womanhood feels supernatural when you have others watching your body. From your mother, to your grandmother, to the boys in your class and the grown men outside of the grocery store. As Ginger taped her growing werewolf tail along the inside of her thigh, I, too, concealed the parts of me that no longer made me a girl. In the midst of being introduced to the oh-so-treacherous experience of womanhood, my baby heart pitter-pattered at the same tempo for Jennifer’s Body that it did for Justin Bieber. Jennifer was written to be a monster. Needy was accused of having a crush on Jennifer. However, who was eating who’s boyfriend out of jealousy? Ginger and Jennifer being the monsters of these queer-coded movies didn’t sit right with me then or now.
In all of these movies and so many other horror stories, the villains are never made from “socially acceptable” characters. Jennifer, Ginger, and the Creature were products of a society that turned its back on them. After all, we live in a world that rejects anything that it doesn’t understand. The thing about this monster story, though, is that it’s the first of its kind. The first time a monster has become the final girl of its own story. Because I live in a world where malevolence isn’t a monster, but a regular person infected with hatred. And I’ll always make it to the end credits. Every time.
something’s weird with her vagina, & i so relate!
Jules Rivera
i made the movie Teeth my personality from the moment the credits began to roll, and i will continue that legacy. in Teeth, miss girl Dawn has teeth in her vagina and isn’t aware of it until she began to have sex with guys who wasted her time. at the time, i was a virgin, but also had a hankering for guys who loved to waste my time. this was something i could relate to. as i’ve grown up, however, and come to experience some reproductive issues, i relate to Dawn more than i ever could’ve realized when i was 16.
now, i’m Black. Dawn is not. i will say, though, that Dawn is left to her own devices once she realizes that something is not quite “normal” down below. as someone religious, who has come to process her curiosity and confusion through shame and avoidance, she leans on the words of the boys she interacts with to tell her what’s going on with her body. when i was 19 and beginning to have sex, i developed strange issues that i was struggling to find relief from. before i began going to the obgyn (rather frequently, i might add) i took the advice and insight of the men i was sleeping with as if they’d actually know what was going on: just like Dawn. i then began going to the obgyn regularly. while my obgyn wasn’t a disgusting pervert like Dawn’s was, she was a white woman who didn’t entirely listen to my concerns, and didn’t quite explain to me what was going on with my body. i was left confused, concerned, and only developed a fear of sex and of my own parts: no different from Dawn. you know, before she went on a munching spree.
as we know, Black patients are not treated, diagnosed, or listened to by medical professionals as often as non-bipoc patients are. this meant that i spent months of my life concerned that something was wrong with me. as the movie progressed, we watched Dawn be taken advantage, lied to, and abused by the men in her life, all while disregarding her condition as a means of prioritizing their own sexual pleasure. is she the villain? obviously not. she’s a victim of the religious manipulation and tactics, of predatory men, and of a medical system that had no real resources or desire to help her understand her body. so, in short, while i’m not a white girl with religious trauma who has teeth in her vagina, i am a non-binary, Black person from the suburbs who doesn’t always understand how her vagina works, and i have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel. our vaginas are different but still kind of mysterious when you think about it! we’re the same, but also not! how touching!